There’s nothing quite like a family gathering. It can mark a joyous occasion full of catching up, inside jokes, and plenty of food. Although a large family gathering is a great time to bond, it can also be stressful at times.
Have a plan to prepare yourself—and remember that whether you’re hosting or visiting, self-care and your mindset matter. Connecting with yourself can make all the difference in how you connect with your family.
Why family gatherings can feel stressful
Any family gathering requires at least a little planning. The larger the family, the more complex things can get—even if it’s just logistics. On top of that, every family has its own unique dynamics. While some family members interact with ease, others have complex histories, clashing beliefs, and other challenges that can make coming together difficult.
Travel—even if it’s just across town—can add more pressure. And traveling across the country or abroad means you may be trying to figure out how to save money while traveling, as well as dealing with the unpredictability of traffic and transit systems.
[Read: How to travel on a budget]
What if you’re hosting? You’ll need to get your place ready or book a venue, accommodate dietary and health needs, and navigate diverse needs—and maybe some strong opinions.
All of this can stir up tough emotions and make family gatherings stressful, which affects not just your mood and mental clarity, but the quality of your experience. However, there’s good news: you can reduce stress by prioritizing self-care and planning—and amplify the joy of connecting.
Step 1: Connect with gratitude and love
Let’s be real: if you face challenging family dynamics, it can be difficult to feel gratitude or love at times. So, when you’re feeling stressed, it’s easy to say, “just breathe.” While that’s a great start, how you breathe can make a big difference. It’s helpful to aim for heart coherence.
Heart coherence is a state of cooperative alignment between the heart, mind, emotions, and physical systems.¹ It can help you synchronize your heart with your thoughts, which may be racing about what’s stressing you. Focusing on positive emotions like gratitude and love can help create this heart-mind connection.
As you breathe, focus on the area around your heart—the center of your chest. Then take slow, deep breaths at a pace that’s comfortable for you.² If you need help staying focused, there are many breathing and meditation apps you can download on your smartphone.
You’re about to mix and mingle with your loved ones. To give them your best, first connect with yourself.
Step 2: Connect with yourself
Before the big day (or the first day) of connecting with your family, it’s a good idea to first connect with yourself. Take some time to set aside logistics, planning, personalities, and anything else that may be weighing on you. Even if you’re super excited about what’s to come, set that aside too. Give yourself some true “you” time.
What does that look like? Maybe get a massage or a manicure (yes, guys, we’re talking to you, too). If that’s not in your budget, take a long bath or a hot shower. But what if the kids would never let you do that? Got it—get creative and find ways to keep them entertained—something you likely have plenty of experience with. It’s worth pulling out all the stops so you can relax before diving into activities with your extended family.
Remember, you’re worth the effort—and your family will appreciate the refreshed you. A little fresh air can help, too.
Step 3: Connect with nature
Connecting with nature is a great way to reduce tension in your mind and body. When you’re stressed, your body can go into fight-or-flight mode and release the stress hormone, cortisol. That can make you feel anxious or irritable and might make it harder to enjoy your family gathering.
Some studies suggest that all you need is as little as 15 minutes outdoors to help lower cortisol and boost the feel-good hormone serotonin.³ You might also try standing barefoot on the earth (a practice called earthing, a form of grounding). Research indicates that it may help reduce stress and balance your nervous system.4
On a side note, start these practices well before you have a big event like a family gathering. Staying in the practice of connecting with yourself and nature can help keep stress from building up, so there’s less to release when you need to.
Step 4: Connect with your household
Many of us have felt—or seen someone feel—unsupported during family events. We all have to remember at times—no one’s a mind reader. It’s important to communicate our needs so everyone knows what’s expected of them—this can go a long way toward reducing frustration.
Set yourself up for success by planning ahead on deciding who does what and communicating it early. Make it fun with a scoring system or small incentives. First one to finish their task? Give them a special treat.
Do you have family members who like to have their fingers in your dishes while you’re cooking? If you want them to stay out of the kitchen (and your dish), let them know—lovingly. What matters most is that everyone knows what to expect, which can lower stress for everyone, and sets the stage for a smoother family gathering. And along the way, remind everyone to have a bit of grace for one another.
Step 5: Connect at your family gathering
The time for your family gathering is here. You’ve taken important steps to reduce your stress and create a space for joy. Don’t forget to include long-distance family in the festivities, too. Plan a video call at a scheduled time and set a reminder on your phone.
Another way to manage the stress of the event is to know if anyone wants to watch sports, which is common on big holidays. Check which channels or services carry the games so you have the right streaming plan. Make sure your home internet—and, if needed, a backup connection—is ready to go. And if kids will be there and need Wi-Fi for their devices or gaming, run a speed test ahead of time to confirm your plan will support everyone’s needs.
Step 6: Connect with aftercare
Woo-hoo! Your family gathering is complete. You may have had a fantastic time—or maybe a few fireworks. Either way, you’ve empowered yourself with tools to reduce stress. Lock in your accomplishment with a bit of aftercare: another hot bath or shower or streaming your favorite content. Once the kids are in bed, try not to skip this step. You showed up to the capacity that you had, and that’s worth celebrating with some downtime.
If you can, leave any “shoulda-coulda-wouldas” behind—at least for now. Let your mind rest so you can drift off to well-deserved sleep.
Step 7: Connect with gratitude and love again
One more thing: once you’re tucked into bed, finish the day off with another round of gratitude and love. You might focus on yourself, on a specific moment from the day, or maybe nothing at all—just the feeling of completion. You’ve connected with yourself and your family—both your household and extended family—and that’s something to feel good about.
Connecting changes everything—with your family, your devices, and your device connectivity. We hope this guide helps you reduce stress and enjoy your time together with family.
¹“Heart Coherence”, heartmath.org, Accessed November 24, 2025, https://www.heartmath.org/heart-coherence.
²“Finding Inner Balance in Today’s World”, heartmath.org, July 23, 2025, https://www.heartmath.org/articles-of-the-heart/finding-inner-balance-in-todays-world/.
³“How the Outdoors Can Improve Your Mood”, clevelandclinic.com, April 9, 2024, https://newsroom.clevelandclinic.org/2024/04/09/how-the-outdoors-can-improve-your-mood.
4“The Healing Power of Nature: Exploring Forest Bathing and Grounding”, aanmc.org, August 27, 2025, https://aanmc.org/natural-remedies/benefits-of-forest-bathing.
